The pandemic is in full flow, and we are going in and out of lockdown like a yo-yo. There are many people online and offline arguing about the vaccine and how safe it is. People are on the tubes arguing about masks. People are panic buying and stocking up on the not so essentials, leaving some parts of the local supermarket shelves empty. People are losing their minds and blind panic has set in, driven by the relentless media coverage.

Amid all the chaos I’m fed-up. I’m not happy. I’m thinking about my life. All the things I could have done with my life. All the opportunities I have passed up. All the risks I could have taken and did not. All my regrets which are deep and flavoursome, and then some.

My toxic work environment is playing on my mind. I’ve had enough. I’ve had enough of the regret. I’ve had enough of the lost opportunities. I’ve had enough of the longing for something more. I know what I must do. One afternoon of a sunny day in June 2020, I zoom call my boss and offer my resignation.

That very afternoon, I book myself on an Improv class. No longer do I want to be in my comfort zone. I want to step out and face the discomfort of the performing arts. This decision triggers my journey into comedy, acting and creative writing.

As time went on, I’m at an acting class, and its break time. I’m browsing the leaflets at reception, and I come across a flyer for ‘The Why Not Institute’, it’s a clown school. The course is called “How to be a Stupid”. The smell of excitement hits the air. My improv skills are me just being an idiot and having fun and making others laugh.

“Go for it” I think to myself. “I’m already an idiot, why not be a stupid as well!”

As the night comes, I book myself on the course.

“I’m going to clown school!”

I must admit I have a preconceived idea about what clowning is, and it starts and ends with Crusty the clown from The Simpsons, but I was curious because the leaflet said this course will change your life.

So, I turn up on the first day and I am greeted by Angela de Castro, the owner of clown school, a 5ft 4in Brazilian, born a woman, identifying as They/Them, but loves being called Him. I don’t really know what to make of it all, but I decide to leave my stereotypes to one side embrace the process and the people fully.

It’s a gruelling 3-week full-time course and each morning we have a check-in and discuss what we are thinking and feeling. As the days go on, I start to notice things I’m learning and start sharing those with the class. These are not just clowning techniques, but also life lessons.

On day three I notice that the clown is the stupidest person in the room. Being the stupidest person in the room could be a useful skill in life, I proceeded to explain to the class,

“Imagine travelling on the underground. The general rule of engagement is that Londoners shuffle along onto the train, without making eye contact, looking down and God forbid you say good morning; breaking these rules you might get a horrified look of disgust coming your way. Now, imagine you are the stupidest person in the room, and you don’t understand these rules, so you look people in the eye, smile and say hello! Could you imagine the number of connections you start, the opportunities that open, all the things you can learn, just by being stupidest person in the room”.

As I look at face in the room, I see people’s faces light up like a spark has gone off in the heads and what I have said has resonated with them. I continue to learn and make discoveries.

On day six during at the check in, something happened the night before and I have an epiphany which I am eager to share. I have the realised that the clown and failure go hand in hand. I proceed to explain,

“Imagine a clown goes on stage and performs a serious routine which he’s proud of, however the audience laugh at him. He doesn’t understand why people are laughing. Most people would come off stage, be traumatised, and may never to go back again. Not the clown he goes back the next day and does it all over again without losing enthusiasm, passion, and desire. No matter how many times they laugh at him, he keeps coming back without dropping his level of commitment. That’s the art of the clown and can apply to life.”

I again look around the room and make eye contact with people. As I look in their eyes they have wondered off into a world of imagining what it would be like to become this clown. This is further confirmation that I’m on the right track with my newfound wisdom.

Day seven comes around and I’m at the check-in and it’s my turn to speak. I pause for a minute as that voice in my head debates whether to say what I was thinking. Then I make the decision to say what I thought. The critical voice has been silenced.

I look everyone in the eye, one-by-one.

“Yesterday I took onboard what de Castro said, when we dressed up in our costume and done the catwalk exercise….”

An exercise where we had to walk down a catwalk in ridiculous costumes and repeat only positive thoughts in our head.

“…I was constantly talking to myself in the head, for the whole evening, when we went home last night. I was telling myself that I’m amazing, I’m the best dressed person in the room, I’m handsome, I’m god’s gift to the world, I’m charismatic, I’m awesome, I’m smart, the list goes on and on and on. The best thing about it was that I woke-up in the morning and for the first time since I was a kid the voice in my head is complimenting me on how amazing I am. It’s occurred to me if I have this positive voice in my head permanently, just imagine what it can do for my life, my confidence, my self-belief, my mindset!”

I look around the room and people are nodding silently with gleamers of joy in their eyes. Sitting back in my seat I start to imagine my life with this positive voice in my head. It’s a good world to live in.

As the course comes to an end, I spent much time contemplating over the length of the last three weeks and I learnt a lot about clowning as a life skill. I am no longer Crusty the Clown school of thought. I’m a man with an invincible mindset, disguised as a clown.

That’s my journey into clowning!

Contact me if you want to discuss any clowning opportunities!